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quietearth [Celluloid 04.24.13] post apocalyptic zombies

The Zombieland pilot begins by eavesdropping on a first world problems bitch-fest between two office drones who carry on their tirade of rude self-entitlement to such epic proportions that you almost can't wait for the zombie apocalypse to begin just to shut them up. Thankfully you don't have to wait long for the undead to appear and have them for lunch, but that's no consolation because you soon discover this might be the last time you see the living dead in any kinds of numbers for the remainder of the inane 25 minutes that follow.

Are you still watching? Because that "my lunch sucks with pickles in my tuna salad" conversation turned "oh no, now I'm the lunch of the undead" scene just might be the most interesting bit in the whole episode.

In most cases, it's a good idea to give a new series at least three episodes before passing judgment, but this time consider turning it off after five minutes, or, better yet, don't turn it on at all.

This original web version of the popular feature film falls flat in so many ways. The characters are weakly introduced, underdeveloped and the story seems to rely on your knowledge of the film to shortcut the storytelling by relying on audience's genuine affection for Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock. The genuinely new addition to the story is a plot device in which an On Star operator guides them to other survivors. I didn't say it was a good addition. With a script as weak as this it can be said that the actors don't have much to do, but despite those considerations the casting is weak and all lead players lack even the remotest inclining of the charms of the originals. Worst of all: where are all the zombies?

It's a lesson that we learn time and again as consumers of remakes and reboots. Good stories matter, and what great actors do they make look easy. Magic doesn't often happen the second time around. And, most importantly, when you have a show called Zombieland, there had better be a lot of zombies, please.

Written By: Shirley Clemens Griffin of

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donc48 (8 years ago) Reply

I have to agree Zombieland the series didn't rock my world either. If Amazon is serious about doing a series people would watch look up The Great Dying on web series channel dot com. There are tons of Web series on line that would make great TV series.


zetetic23 (8 years ago) Reply

I completely agree with this review. Very poor offering.


Hussman (8 years ago) Reply

Yeah, was not wowed by the show, which was disappointing. Sad. 'Dark Minions' on the other hand, also offered by Amazon, looks to have potential


TheDarkInside (8 years ago) Reply

What? Are you guys serious? The episode is great if you don't compare it to the movie, and with all the brooding / apocalyptic / super super series we are exposed to as of late it's nice to see that humour and ass-kickery still fits the format nicely.

This was fresh, and funny.
And I hope they make a shitload more.

Also ; it's nice to see that the producers took a fresh take on the cast. Good and unknown actors are (imho) often an better choice than lookalikes, when it comes to remakes / a fresh take. Even Tallahassee's character worked out :)


Guest (8 years ago) Reply

@TheDarkInside: I don't think the reviewer was complaining about them not casting "clones" or that they casted "unknowns", what was said was the casting was weak and the actors were lacking the charms (aka charisma) that the original cast had.


Rexkid (8 years ago) Reply

I just finished watching the episode, and I believe it's absolutely HORRIBLE. For the following reasons:
1. The rule #1 is "Cardo". Why is there a fat lady making pies?
2. The show picks up after the movie. Okay, but the movie was a few weeks into the zombie apocalypse. Why is there a guy trying to cleaning windows?
3. Surviving a zombie apocalypse is "Survival of the Fittest", why would someone have a tent on a bridge?
4. If the survivors are fit enough to survive, why do they die so ridiculously? First and third survivor's death was slightly acceptable.
5. (If continuing from the movie or zombie killing "rules") He shoots a zombie in the chest, and the zombie doesn't get back up. This defeats the "Double Tap" rule.
6. I felt everyone played their role as continuing characters very well. Except there was a flaw, when securing a house for zombies or other reasons, Columbus sets his gun down TO WASH HIS FREAK'N HANDS!!! There are a number of ways that could have been better produced! Have Columbus put it in the bathroom, near the tub, and then the gun accidentally falls in water. The gun jams and that is the reason he cannot fire it. Makes sense!
7. Zombie role-Why are zombies starring at their dinner? They should just eat him, but the zombies take their time to attack him. That whole scene was absolutely stupid.
8. Zombie role-Why is a zombie running away from a giant ball that will kill him? (Again continuing the movie) The zombies' brains are infected which prohibits them from thinking correctly. They see food at the top of the slope, and that is all they see. This could have been better shot, had they got the zombie going up the slope rather than him running away from the ball. Either that or have the zombie come chasing the guy and nicely time the ball to crush the zombie/zombies behind him. Cool and much better.

I will not watch this show, because comedy or not almost nothing made sense IF AND ONLY IF they are trying to continue as story from the movie.
I believe the acting was nicely done, the fail was with the writing and producing.

Thank you and I look to hear further from you all.



frodo baggins (8 years ago) Reply

I was disappointed at first due to the terrible actors - chosen probably due to who they know rather than how they can act, probably.
BUT as soon as I imagined the original actors in the wooden ones' places it was a more entertaining show, but hard work. The writing was obviously done by human computer, wanting to tick boxes from the original rather than get creative and forget the budget.
As far as RexKid's comments go, here's a commentary from my point of view:
'Survival of the fittest' - this DOES NOT MEAN WHAT MOST FOLK THINK IT MEANS - it means 'fittest' for the environment. The strongest or most intelligent DO NOT SURVIVE, but THE MOST ADAPTABLE!! Therefore, a fat survivor is feasible, if they adapt to Zombieland, not necessarily if they are 'fit'.
1. rule #1 - cardio - would work MOST of the time, but nature always has exceptions. See point above.
2. How can the show pick up after the movie when folk are still working at the office in the opening scene?
3. See above, and as long as they had good defences, why not? It has only two, narrow well-defined approaches, but I get your point.
4. That's one of the points that made me want to switch off - bad writing.
5. see point 4. These writers are so restricted by the executives etc. (commerce) they missed out ona great opportunity.
6. Now that would have been good writing! Nice one, Rex!
7. Yup
8. Well.. zombie consciousness is a complex phenomenon, and perhaps part of the ball-fodder zombie wanted to survive beyond getting food, but it would have been more entertaining if Rex wrote the script.

I won't watch more, just the original movie in a few months.

I noticed with Walking Dead the changes as commerce got its talons into the narrative and a textured show got turned into a standard drama, with guts. A real pity, but hey, what do we expect?

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